I recently heard Oprah Winfrey discussing wholeness. The idea that we should be striving for wholeness but not perfection. Sometimes people think in order to be whole, you need to be perfect or close to perfect. So what is wholeness and what is the difference between wholeness and perfection? And how do you feel whole in the way that makes sense to you, while also letting go of perfection, if those are two different concepts. Wholeness seems to be the concept of feeling or being whole in the way that makes sense to you in your current life given the circumstances. When we think about wholeness, I wonder how to measure it. How would you know when you are whole? I really think it is the feeling of ease, calmness, joy, and fulfillment. You can relate it to the feeling you might have felt when you've accomplished something big in your life. The feeling you felt when you walked across the stage at graduation. The feeling you felt when you received a promotion at work. And when you think about it in this manner, it is not perfection. Before getting that promotion, there must have been bumps in the road leading to that moment. Before walking across that stage to accept your degree, there must have been hiccups with certain classes that might have been difficult to overcome and not perfect at all. And while those experiences might have led you to the feeling of wholeness, they weren’t perfect. I think wholeness is a state similar to happiness. Then I wonder, can you feel whole at different stages of life? With one of the aforementioned examples, you could have felt whole after receiving a promotion for some time before moving onto a new chapter of life where you then had new goals and a new vision for life. And with this, you need to strive for new wholeness, right? This all seems overwhelming to think there are stages of wholeness. Personally, I feel whole knowing I am a healer and helping others get through difficult times in life. And while the feeling of wholeness is real, I still strive to learn more about life and what it means to be a holistic healer. Wholeness is defined as the state of forming a complete and harmonious whole. Daryl Sharp also defines it as a state in which consciousness and the unconscious work together in harmony. When referring to these definitions, wholeness is a state of harmony where you can be whole while also being a work in progress. You can be whole while also striving for more in life. I think it is a feeling that then transforms into a state by which you feel fulfilled with yourself and where you are in your life, while also realizing there is more work to be done. So then, you can strive for many moments of wholeness. Moments where you can step back and remind yourself that you are whole. And when you do that, you don’t feel so pressured to do more in order to feel complete. You will then do more because it is in line with what you want in life not because there is pressure behind it. We know that pressure and the idea of perfection doesn’t bring internal joy but instead sadness because perfection doesn’t exist. So, there is a clear difference between wholeness and perfection, and you should be striving for moments of wholeness in life. With all of this, it is really up to you to recognize when you feel whole. Wholeness is subjective and varies person to person, depending on how each one of us want to live a fulfilling life. We often talk about forgiveness in life; the idea of forgiving others when we’ve been hurt or betrayed. We say it’s necessary to forgive others in order to move on. With this concept, I asked myself, why don’t we talk more about forgiving ourselves? Why are we so hard on ourselves and not allow for our flaws, our mistakes, our mishaps? If forgiveness is the idea of letting go of past betrayals and hurt feelings than we should be able to do that for ourselves. We should be able to see that we are only human and deserve peace within ourselves. I find that we as individuals don’t forgive ourselves, but instead judge ourselves for not being perfect. We judge ourselves for not being what we should be or what we expect ourselves to be. I find that if we can be aware of these judgments on ourselves than we can work on understanding why they exist and what purpose it has served us. We are then able to realize that we deserve peace of mind too. As quoted by Bryant H. McGill, “There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.” We need to be able to forgive enough to let go and love ourselves. Self-forgiveness is a constant notion that we all work on in order to be deeper self-loving individuals. We become better individuals when we can accept ourselves for who we are, forgive ourselves for our mishaps, and embrace a newer, healthier, and happier version of ourselves. When we are free of judgements on ourselves, we are able to let go and be the empowered individuals we deserve to be. One way I have found it helpful to forgive ourselves is to create a space for self-awareness. Through meditation and journaling, these platforms can create a mirror to see ourselves for who we are. We are not meant to be perfect without flaws, but how we utilize these flaws to better ourselves is what matters in life. Having this deeper sense of self-understanding allows us to embrace new opportunities for self-forgiveness. As we develop a deeper sense of self-awareness, affirmations are also a vital tool for self-exploration. Verbal affirmations such as, “With love, I forgive myself and let go of these judgements that hold me back” and “I embrace love and peace and let go of these judgments that no longer serve me.” By getting our minds into a positive space, we are then able to understand and believe that we are loving beings that don’t deserve to be judgmental on ourselves; we deserve to be loving and forgiving human beings. We deserve to live with the deepest form of self-love. A wise friend recently told me that life is like a river and we can either choose to flow along with the river or get stuck in it. We can hold onto a branch for fear of moving on, but we then realize that the river will keep flowing and moving forward. As in self-forgiveness, we can choose to either move forward by letting go of our judgements or hold onto them and get swept under the water. It is up to us on how and if we choose to flow in the river of life. We only allow ourselves peace of mind when we allow ourselves the opportunity to become more empowered and forgiving individuals. I recently thought about the idea of listening. It seems so simple right. In a communication exchange with another person, we just sit quietly, maybe nod our head, and reply once we think the other person has finished speaking, but there’s a problem. Are we just listening to reply and get an answer out there or are we really listening to understand what the other person is communicating to us?
As Buddha once said, “There are five advantages of listening…one hears things not heard before, clarifies things heard before, dispels doubts, straightens one’s ideas and one’s mind is delighted.” Being a good listener helps us not only understand people, but also understand ideas. Listening is a vital component to effective communication and it’s also an essential part of connecting with others. So here’s another question, if you’re not really listening to understand the other person, than do we really want to listen? I thought about listening to reply and get our thoughts out there, which in a deeper sense, sounds selfish. If this type of listening is about our replies then it might be more about us. Do we really want to connect with the other person or get our answer out there instead, for our own selfish reasons? While simple, the idea of listening brings up a few great points. Through my research, selfishness and narcissism came up. It seems as though we are being narcissistic if this type of communication exchange is all about us. And if we really think about it, many of us don’t intend to be narcissistic. Yes, we want to sound like we have deep and significant thoughts, but we also want to give the other person full attention. I think most of us have good intentions to listen so that the other person feels heard. So, with this, what does all of this mean? Should we then practice listening to understand and be self-aware of our listening skills? Maybe, yes. Maybe we should get some reminder points from Buddha himself. Mindful Listening might be an answer to this issue. In Mindful Listening, the purpose is to be more aware of our subconscious habits that might influence our daily conversations. By being mindful of our listening habits, we can begin to change them in order to have an authentic and true communication exchange. With this, find a public place and begin to listen in on a conversation with strangers. If this makes you uncomfortable then listen to a radio show or watch a television show. Pay close attention to what each person is saying and focus on their words, intonation, and body language. Be mindful of your reactions and responses that you might want to say. Then, ask yourself, “Do I feel the urge to join in on the conversation?” “Do I feel the need to reply by stating my opinion?” Then, ask yourself why you feel the need to speak up. It’s important to think about your intention and whether it’s about being able to contribute to the conversation or because you want to be heard. Paying close attention to your thoughts associated with the need to speak up might bring to light your intentions. If we really want to have a meaningful communication exchange, it’s important to set our intentions. Good intentions can bring about positive changes in our conversations thus improving relationships. There are times where we all forgot how important it is to really just listen to someone and to hear what they say. A major component to a healthy and honest relationship is openly listening to understand. We all want to understand our loved ones, so why not make a conscious effort to do so more often. Here's one last straightforward yet friendly quote, “We have two ears and one mouth, so we should listen more than we say.”-Zeno of Citium This past weekend I attended my first Indian singing and chanting ceremony which is called a Kirtan. The purpose of a Kirtan is to allow the music to take over your mind and body and allow yourself to relax. Participants sing and chant along with live music with the goal of creating a sense of harmony, peace, and healing. As once said by Ragani, “Kirtan is a means of finding our way back to the core of our being, to our heart, and to our connection with each other.” With live musicians at play, the deep vibrations of the music play an intricate role in how your mind and body responds. The vibrations create a sense of mental and physical relaxation. As participants sing along to ancient Sanskrit lyrics, the unknown and unfamiliar words allow participants to sing along without overthinking the meanings of the words. Typically, in the western world, we sing along to music while also listening to the words being sung. Many of us try to understand the meaning of the words, which allows for the mind to overthink. Singing and chanting Sanskrit lyrics allows participants the opportunity to quiet the mind which then leads to a meditative state.
So with this, I attended the Kirtan and I have to say that I was a bit nervous and intimidated. While I was excited to attend, it was the unknown that nerved me. I walked into this ceremony with my eyes and ears fully open as I then took a sit on the carpeted floor. I was able to make myself comfortable on a pillow as I smiled to others around me. Then, the live music by Jayaprabha and her fellow band members began to play. At first, it was very difficult for me to get into a meditative state because I'm used to the quietness and the solitude that typically goes along with a meditation practice. I'm not used to the idea of actually listening and singing along to music. At times, I looked around at the other individuals, families, and young children that were there which brought a smile to my face. It was nice to see how open-minded individuals were about eastern chanting ceremonies. And while it was great to have others around me singing, I quickly learned how much of a distraction it was. To have young children singing along and enjoying the music was great but I found myself realizing I wasn't meditating, but instead paying attention to the children singing and playing in front of me. I was feeling very frustrated with myself and the need to “have to mediate”. Like other things in life, it’s about the process and taking everything in as a learning opportunity. A Kirtan is just that, a new learning experience. I then learned that a Kirtan is about embracing the vibration from yourself and others. As someone once said to me, in a Kirtan you start to feel the vibrations then start to feel the sounds, which is what then happened about 20 minutes into the ceremony. I was then able really embrace the music and my voice as I sang along to these unfamiliar lyrics. I found my body moving along with the words and completely forgot about any expectations I had about this ceremony. I found it extremely helpful to close my eyes and actually hear the sounds coming from me and other individuals, which then became one collective sound. For the first time, I found it uplifting and I found myself at one point not feeling like I was in the room, but instead in my own sacred place. This is when I realized I was in a meditative state. I wasn't really thinking anything; I was able to relax and be in a clear state of mind. I was really able to hear the drums, percussions, and chimes as one powerful sound. I was able to embrace what a Kirtan is and before I knew it, it was over. It's funny because in the beginning I couldn’t wait for it to be over and by the end I wanted more. I realized that the Kirtan and the idea of meditation didn't work in the beginning because I wasn’t able to really embrace it. I wasn’t able to fully relax until I was able to let go of any expectations and in a sense, be a different person. I let go of the expectations that I would walk into this ceremony and in seconds be in a meditative state. It took time to let go of my thoughts and to quiet my mind. I have to say if someone is thinking about attending a Kirtan, I would highly recommend it. I would say it’s for anyone who wants to go outside of the box and try other types of meditative practices. I would also say to be authentic; if you’re scared or intimidated then embrace that feeling. I also think it’s important to not have expectations, but instead be open to the unknown. I allowed the outside distractions of others to influence the first 20 minutes of the Kirtan. I would love to attend another Kirtan with the goal of being more open-minded without expectations, in order to not allow the social environment to distract me, but instead inspire me. A Kirtan is for someone who is looking to participate in a chanting and singing ceremony where the aim is to create a collective meditative state. This state is created by your own vibrations along with the vibrations of others; the singing and chanting ultimately allows you to find inner peace and healing. To learn more about Jayaprabha and The Joy of Sound band, please visit www.vitallifecenter.org "Many of us have forgotten how to be kind to ourselves. We are so quick to be caring, kind, and supportive to others around us, yet we don’t apply the same concept to ourselves. This idea implies that we can simply be kind and compassionate to ourselves. Why can’t we say to ourselves, “You will be okay”, “You will make it through this difficult time”, and “I am there for you” as we would to others during a time of need? Where did we lose the idea of being caring to ourselves? Through an Eastern philosophy or Buddhism approach, the idea is to stop the negative thoughts that influence how we perceive ourselves. Especially during difficult times, we have learned to be very self-critical instead of being forgiving of our feelings and thoughts. Since the purpose of self-compassion is to be kind, gentle, and supportive to ourselves, there are several simple ways to implement it. Self-talk exercises can assist to re-focus your own self-compassion. With this, there are three steps to creating self-compassion: Mindfulness, Common Humanity, and Self-Kindness. Mindfulness allows us to recognize what we are feeling and thinking. Common Humanity allows us to realize that it’s human to feel and think this way; for instance, it’s only human to feel sad or frustrated. And lastly, Self-Kindness allows us to be kind to ourselves. Dr. Kristin Neff has established one simple yet effective exercise to assist with the creation of self-compassion. In this exercise, it asks you to bring attention to an interaction with another person that makes you feel moderately bad. Then, it asks to visualize the situation and feeling behind it. As part of the first step, it asks you to say to yourself, “This is a moment of ____(insert your feeling, such as sadness).” In this sadness example, the second step then asks you to say to yourself, “Sadness is a part of life." As you can see, the first two steps allow you to first be mindful of the feeling that this situation created and then create a sense that it’s only human to feel this way. As you move into the third step, Self-Kindness, you are asked to put your hands over your heart, feel the warmth of your hands, and notice how your body is reacting. Then, you say to yourself statements such as, “May I be kind to myself”, “May I accept myself just as I am”, “May I forgive myself”, “May I safely ensure this pain”, and “May I accept the circumstances of my life”. These self-talk statements allow you to begin to implement self-kindness again. Overall, this exercise allows you to create self-compassion by beginning to forgive and love yourself. You will feel a sense of relaxation and ease not only emotionally but also physically. Your body will react based on your emotional state and you will be amazed at the outcome. Such self-talk exercises can be very effective, if you’re willing to allow yourself to be open to the idea of having compassion for yourself. Feeling compassion for yourself can be a powerful tool that anyone can use, at any moment, in order to feel a sense of love, ease, and comfort. As several studies have noted, self-compassion can create a greater sense of well-being. This way of thinking can allow you to not only understand and recognize self-destructive thoughts, but also ways to heal these damaging emotional patterns. As I have done so with several clients, I would recommend trying at least one self-compassion exercise in order to fully understand its effects of your own mental health. For additional information about Self-Compassion, please visit Dr. Kristin Neff’s website at www.self-compassion.org Several months ago I attended an essential oils party where I learned how oils extracted from certain plants can be used for a healthier well-being. Like other attendees, I was aware of how essential oils can create a sense of relaxation, calmness, and even de-stress us but I was ill-informed of its extensive effects. Essentials oils play a significant role in psychology. Research has shown positive effects associated with physical and emotional responses. The influence of aromatherapy extends beyond our basic emotions and state of mind. Inhaling various oils produce a brain chemical change, thus positively effecting how you think, feel, and behave. Inhaling these aromas can also significantly reduce high blood pressure and heart rate. Certain oils can change how our mind and body interact in order to create a safe, secure, and calm mental state. For example, for individuals who struggle with traumatic events, oils such as lavender and sandalwood can alter how they experience stressful symptoms. Being able to re-experience an event in a safe, calm, and peaceful physical and psychological setting may allow an individual to re-create this experience, in turn changing how they react to their symptoms. A heightening sense of relaxation when experiencing body tremors and uncontrollable thoughts can allow someone to experience this event differently. For the first time, without fear and anxiety, the mind and body can feel a sense of tranquility. Over time, this state of tranquility can evoke a positive memory as well as desensitize an individual’s traumatic event.
It is astonishing to know that essential oils trigger psychological and physiological responses in our mind and body. With this, it is also important to know how to use them. Essential oils can be used in a variety of ways. Oils can be placed on a tissue and inhaled directly, drops can be placed in a diffuser to change the aroma of a room, drops can be placed on a pillow, comforter, or blanket (for bedtime), a water/oil mix can be sprayed for impromptu use, oils can be used daily as a body perfume, drops can be placed in bath water, oils can be used in homemade lotions, exfoliators, and several essential oils can also be ingested. Overall, essential oils can create a positive sense of physical and mental well-being. To learn more, please visit the National Association for Holistic Aromatherapy at www.naha.org When we talk about eastern practices, often these practices are unique to our western world. As such, Emotional Freedom Technique or EFT is one unfamiliar yet intriguing practice I learned about last year. I first learned about EFT from a colleague and personal friend who has utilized this technique with clients and it has yielded positive outcomes. The idea of EFT is to tap specific meridian points on your body. The meridian points include the outside of your hand, eyebrow, side of the eye, under the eye, under the nose, chin, collarbone, under the arm, and top of the head. While doing so, you repeat a setup statement that addresses a specific problem you are struggling to resolve. Even though I feel anxious, I deeply and completely accept myself, would be an example of a setup statement for someone struggling with anxiety. You tap these meridian points in a sequential manner for several rounds (i.e. three or more). A vital piece to this technique is to determine your intensity level before and after the exercise. Checking in on your level of intensity will allow you to determine the effectiveness of the exercise. Measuring your level of anxiety as a score of 2 out of 10 (10 is the highest intensity level) when compared to your score 6 before the tapping exercise reflects a sense of self-healing. EFT can treat mental and physical aliments by merely confronting your energy blocks that exist in your body. And while I am not trained in EFT, my trained colleague has educated me on this psychological acupressure technique.
With this, I tried EFT for the first time last year and wow, it was an invigorating experience. As in its name, you feel a sense of emotional freedom and you’re able to let go of your blocks while also feeling a sense of intense emotions. I have to say, if you invest yourself 100% into the practice, you will feel awakened. While some individuals may fear their emotions, this is an exceptional practice that you can do in your own home, which can give you the gift of an emotional catharsis. The solution to a cleansing of emotions, physical aliments, and psychological pain might be in the tapping technique. It is a highly recommended technique that uses your own energy to heal your body. To learn more about this technique, please visit www.thetappingsolution.com Mindfulness is a word that most of us have heard over the last months, even years, but what is it? Mindfulness is the notion of being in the present moment and not focusing on the past or future. This practice enables us to focus on our present feelings and thoughts, which in turn allows us to pay attention to who we are at that moment. Bringing attention to what our bodies are doing internally and externally can be a powerful experience. We can let go of stress, anxiety, and even pain. But the real question is, "Are we really doing that?" The word mindfulness is being used daily in magazines, on radio shows, and on television shows, but are people really being mindful. I myself talk about being mindful and I'm able to practice it, but there are times where I fade away from it and later realize I'm not being mindful at all. For instance, last night I was driving in my car and being mindful of how grateful and relaxed I was feeling after a long day at work, then, I starting thinking about what I needed to do when I arrived home. I also thought about what I needed to do this morning and I realized I faded away from that moment of mindfulness very quickly. This is still a practice that we can all focus on and practice each day. We need to make a point to give ourselves some time, even a few minutes a day, to bring ourselves back to the present moment where our bodies are trying to tell us something. Our bodies have a funny way of telling us when we need to relax, breath, and just listen to the world around us.
When I talk about mindfulness with individuals beginning to understand what the notion is and how to practice it, I talk about taking it slowly. I think it's a great first step to begin with mindful eating and drinking. When you are eating or drinking, think about how it makes you feel, how your body is responding, and ask yourself if you're enjoying the moment. Being able to pay close attention to what you are doing at that moment allows you to understand how mindfulness can positively change you. It takes practice as I know first hand, but it is worth the time once you allow yourself to let go. So, in the end, the word mindfulness might be overused, but not the practice of it. We would like to welcome everyone to our Energy Harmony Balance website! As we continue to incorporate eastern methods into the practice, we will be sharing our thoughts, feelings, and reactions to how it fits into our western way of life. Over the years, Dr. Lee Calandra Kett has attended various events, trainings, and retreats which has given her the gift of gaining a deeper insight into the philosophy of eastern practices. Dr. Kett’s aim is to understand how these methods influence us as individuals; our mind, body, and spirit can be altered in such a fascinating way.
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